I first met Becky and her family years ago, it was a brief meeting and one that I had no idea would mean that in the future we would share a connection deeper than most mothers. You see, Becky is an American missionary to Ivory Coast in Africa and she and her husband have a daughter with Down Syndrome. This is not something I gave much thought to years ago when I first met her lovely family during a church visit. However, time changes things. I timidly reached out to Becky after the surprise birth of my son, Cedar, to let her know that we had this deeper connection. I say timidly because I now feel guilt that I did not reach out to her more warmly and lovingly the few times our paths crossed when she visited the states with her family. Her daughter, Morganne, is a beautiful soul, but back then, I still did not know exactly how to interact with or engage someone with Down Syndrome. I didn’t understand. Now I do.
I reached out to Becky as I didn’t know her story, I only knew her daughter’s name and how to reach her. My church has been privileged to be involved in the ministry of Becky’s family for years, but I didn’t know this mama’s personal diagnosis story. She was lovely, graceful, and kind and here is what she shared…
My name is Becky and I live in Bingerville, Ivory Coast. The Ivory Coast (Cote d’Ivoire) is a sovereign country in West Africa. I came here to Africa after marrying my husband in 1991. The first week that we met, he told me that he was 26, did not date for kicks anymore, and he was going to be a missionary in Africa. So, I knew where I was headed if I married him.
Even though I did not feel special enough to be a missionary, I was willing, and I found that was all God was looking
for in me. I have loved being married to my husband and living here in Africa. My role is defined, first of all, in learning daily to love the Lord through serving and helping my husband in the ministry.
for in me. I have loved being married to my husband and living here in Africa. My role is defined, first of all, in learning daily to love the Lord through serving and helping my husband in the ministry.
I found out in the delivery room here in Abidjan that Morganne had Down Syndrome. I had no idea as nothing showed up in any of the preliminary diagnostics. It was a complete shock, and I could not even remember the name Down Syndrome when I first saw Morganne! Immediately upon seeing Morganne, the nurses took her to start working with her. She was not breathing well and was blue. She was at a table not far from me, and every time my husband looked over at them while staying by my side, they would look down and not look him in the eyes. He knew something was wrong. Finally, they came by and showed the baby to me, not saying anything, and then took her away to put her on oxygen. I knew when I saw her face something was very different. I asked Bob, and he said it will be ok.
We then had to be persistent to find out what was wrong. Here in the Ivory Coast, the doctors assume that the patient and loved ones will not be able to deal with bad news. For this reason, the doctors will not tell you the real problem. They knew something was wrong, but they only said that they would do some tests. Finally, the doctor came to see us. It was then that he told us that he was not sure that Morganne would live, and that there seemed to be a problem with her heart.
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The doctor seemed so discouraged and we felt truly sorry for him. Still, they could not tell us what was wrong. I 
would say the way it was presented was quite negative, but they as well were unsure of all that was involved.
would say the way it was presented was quite negative, but they as well were unsure of all that was involved.My initial reaction was fear. I felt overwhelmed trying to raise a child who had a heart problem and so many other obstacles to overcome. I remember I cried the whole first day of her life! I had never known anyone with Down Syndrome before this point.
I always shied away from those with disabilities and so now I found myself wondering if others would do the same with my daughter.
I did worry about what others would think. I always struggled with what people thought of me anyway.
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My biggest obstacle to acceptance was how to raise a child with Down Syndrome in a foreign country. I had no idea of what lie ahead and what was available here. Here in Ivory Coast we have a huge difference between the poor and the rich. Most people here are poor and are not able to really take care of the health problems that accompany this kind of a diagnosis. So, they live and stay mostly at home and help around the house as they are able. There is a school for disabled children in Abidjan, but the school was not really a place where we were ready to leave Morganne each day.
I have found though that people are very kind to Morganne. They can tell that something is different and it has truly opened doors for us to show Christ’s love. They feel that life is so much better for us as Americans,….but Morganne shows them we hurt at times too. I have also met some people recently who are trying to use sports to help children with special needs. This was great to see as overall most people here do not have much knowledge of how to help or educate these children. I would love to have a Sunday School class for them one day….but I need help!
When she was born, Morganne had a hole in the middle of her heart at birth that had to be corrected with open heart surgery at 6 months. (atrio-ventricular canal). My pregnancy was much like my earlier two, so I had no cause for concern. Everything seemed so normal. My labor started and stopped two days prior to the actual due date. I was so thankful to have my mom here to help and watch the older two children. The day of labor was very long, much longer than my first two. Once in the hospital, they could not find a heartbeat, so I had to have a monitor hooked up to watch. The labor was very hard and slow and later my Mom wondered if the Lord was helping Morganne as she did have a hole in heart! My husband was a tremendous support to me. At first, we were grieving terribly at what we thought was our loss, then the Lord reminded Him He had given us a life, and we needed to fight for her. Morganne’s health was precarious for several months leading up to and after her heart surgery. The very day she was born, God gave him this comfort and he has truly fought for her ever since.
I was very torn that first day after her diagnosis, in realizing that we would never be alone as a couple after all our other children were grown. For some reason, this was the hardest thing for me to accept. As we began working through all of the details in her care, I saw how perfectly God had put us together for Morganne. Bob began working hard on a medical journal for her, keeping track of everything that she had done and what was ahead to do. I began attacking Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Gross Motor skills. I feel Morganne has kept us closer as we have had to work as a team.
For my two oldest children I would keep a baby calendar of stickers indicating when each smiled for the first time, rolled over, sat up, etc. I soon realized that I could not keep such a calendar with Morganne. She was not going to be ” on time” according to other people. This took a long time to accept.
Among the books that I started reading, many said to just enjoy Morganne as she was and have fun with her. This was very hard to do with so many medical issues involving her heart and therapies, etc that needed to be done. I felt I was always trying to fix her. Yet, Morganne kept her own pace, loving and laughing with everyone around her. I remember God’s Word was a huge comfort to me during those first few months as I read over and over that He is my strength. The first few weeks we made a choice mentally that this was a child that God had given to us, a life , a blessing.
As we moved forward in this choice, God gave us an overwhelming love and joy in caring for her. As each new phase of sickness or problem has come, I have just gone to Him with all of my fears and frustrations. The first week, when we almost lost Morganne, gave me a chance for my heart to catch up with my head in acceptance and love. I would say that this was a turning point for me when I begged God to let her live……I knew I loved this new little one and we have been fighting ever since to love and help her the best we can. All of our family has been very supportive, encouraging and so helpful!Our lives have truly been blessed by Morganne. There is work in taking care of her, but she brings joy to our family. Her humor is contagious and she had truly taught us how to laugh and enjoy the simple things in life. Morganne is now 20 years old!!
Becky is a homeschool mom and the wife to a pastor who is her best friend. The family lives in Bingerville, Ivory Coast. Becky serves in the ministry to ladies, young girls, and children. Becky plays the piano for church services and helps her husband in any capacity needed. Since returning home to Africa in this last term, she has had many visitors to either teach in the Bible College, see their mission field, or help in medical missions. You can usually find Becky busy trying to be a good hostess to those that God sends their way. (either American or Ivorian pastors, and many others)….She always tries to remember that even a smile at a little child or a cup of water….is very important.
When I was pregnant with Moa I felt something wasn’t right .. or was it.
special occasion in my life because I will always remember it.
From that day on she was everything I ever wanted, my beautiful princess. These are really my honest feelings, I never wanted a different child or pined for a healthy one. Of course, sometimes it was hard but I just worked through it.
